


Ereptile dysfunction (when your lizard won't get up)

by Miralana



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Urban Fantasy, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-18
Updated: 2015-09-18
Packaged: 2018-04-21 10:11:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4824998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miralana/pseuds/Miralana
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bellamy needs someone dead. Raven knows a guy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ereptile dysfunction (when your lizard won't get up)

**Author's Note:**

> _Erskinravel asked: …definitely a lizard._ and this totally went away from me.

The situation escalates on a Wednesday morning, when Cage Wallace, the new section chief, orders Bellamy in his office as a part of the new management process.

Cage is a vampire and the son of the former chief so Bellamy knows what’s going to happen.

“Officer Blake, I can see that your sister is part of the task force as well?” Cage asks even though he clearly knows.

“She is, Sir,” Bellamy says and Cage’s eyes flick down to the file.

“So are you from the same litter or …” Trailing off Cage gives him a smile. Bellamy grits his teeth and digs his claws in his palms.

“We share a mother.”

“Hm,” Cage closes the file. “Didn’t see that coming. With your kind it’s usually the father.”

 

**Bellamy Blake**

I want him to die a horrible death.

**Octavia Blake**

Fucking tell me, I’m already asking Lincoln what it’ll cost.

 

**Raven Reyes**

Isn’t it the busiest time of the year? Don’t think you can afford it.

 

**Octavia Blake**

Lincoln says you won’t get something under ten years and a car.

**Bellamy Blake**

Why are you even dating a wrath demon when he can’t give us a discount?

**Raven Reyes**

I know a guy who might help you out.

He takes money or firstborns.

**Bellamy Blake**

Send me the address.

 

Its noon and technically Bellamy is supposed to interview a succubus involved in an orgy at the town hall but he can excuse himself for being late with his poor control and animal instincts. It’s not like Cage isn’t a speciest asshole who won’t think that he’s making it up.

He stops in front of the address Raven gave him. The house is nice with weird plants in the garden that he really doesn’t want to examine to closely.

There isn’t a path to the house so he just leaps over the dangerous looking plants and hopes that none of them will eat him.

When he pushes the doorbell a loud noise goes through the whole house. A loud bang follows and someone yelling and Bellamy really doesn’t want to spend his day getting hexed by a warlock so he’s about to turn around when the door opens.

The guy on the other side is a few inches smaller than Bellamy, so thin that his rips are visible and only clad in a pair of unicorn pyjama pants.

“What?” the guy asks and Bellamy finally takes a look at his face. It’s weird. He’s got a big crocked nose, extremely high cheekbones and wide blue eyes with brown hair that’s held back with a dotted Alice band.

There are markings on his face that could be scars but Bellamy suspects they have a ritualistic nature.

The way they’re pulsing he suspects that the warlock is currently operating a hex.

“You’re Murphy, right? I got your address from Raven Reyes,” he says and Murphy raises his eyebrows. Something is really wrong with his face.

“She’s a sorceress, mostly working with electronics, cursed leg?”

“Oh,” the warlock chuckles. “Yeah I remember that one.”

He holds his door open and Bellamy walks in. He can’t stop looking at Murphy’s face. Whatever hex he’s currently using has to do something to his face. Maybe he’s trying one of these new transformation spells? People turning themselves into animals to appear badass. Bellamy has seen a few fellow lycanthropes give themselves wolf like features which he thinks is just wrong on so many levels. But people will go to great lengths to look the way they want, so whatever.

He just can’t figure out what kind of animal Murphy is trying to channel.

“So what do you want?” Murphy says and sits down on a couch in his living room. Everything is littered with herbs, knifes, ingredients and papers possibly belonging to a grimoire. It’s exactly how Bellamy always imagines the house of a warlock.

“I need someone dead. Or horribly dismembered.”

Murphy raises his eyebrows and reaches for a tablet on the table. “I’m your guy then.”

Bellamy nods thankfully and looks around in the living room. There are three lizards sitting on a table watching them.

He looks from the animals to Murphy and back to the animals.

 _Definitely a lizard._ Why would he try to give himself lizard like features?

“So tell me about them, what do you want me to do?” Murphy asks and now that Bellamy has figured it out he can’t un-see it. It’s like he’s talking to a human lizard.

“Well he’s my boss, a vampire, fucking asshole.”

“Vampires cost extra,” Murphy says. “They’re harder to kill.”

Bellamy nods while Murphy scratches his inhumanly cheekbones.

“So you got a name?”

“Cage Wallace.”

Murphy lets out a whistle and looks up from his tablet. “You’re a part of the task force?”

Bellamy nods and Murphy rolls his eyes. “I filed a complaint a few weeks ago, never heard back.”

“I’m sorry about that.” Oh god he’s gonna have to pay a lot of money.

“Yeah, fucking werewolves,” Murphy mumbles and Bellamy grits his teeth. “Never have sex with one of them, man, they’re gonna shift on top of you.”

“Ouch,” Bellamy says instead of being offended because holy shit, yeah that’s not a pleasant thought. Having sex while in their true form is awesome but not with a partner that isn’t. At least he thinks so, he knows that there are enough people who totally get off on that.

“Yeah,” Murphy says and then looks him up and down. “No offense.”

Bellamy just nods again and stares at his phone.

 

**Bellamy Blake**

Did you seriously send me to a guy that has a problem with werewolves?

**Raven Reyes**

He makes hexes that not even I can lift re: my leg. You’ll thank me later.

 

“You are the guy that ruined Raven’s leg?”

“Just until she apologizes,” Murphy answers with a broad grin. He hands Bellamy the tablet.

“Unless you have a specific request I would probably go with a simple holy water shower, then let something lose in his apartment that will be drawn to the blood while placing a hex on the building that will cauterize the wounds a second before the healing process sets in and will make them unable to heal.”

It’s simple but effective. Bellamy didn’t expect this kind of stuff from a guy in unicorn pants that’s trying to become a lizard.

He scrolls to the bottom of the tablet and swallows. It’s a lot of money. Not as much as he thought it would be but still a lot.

“That your usual rate?”

“Hm? Oh no, I cut it down because I haven’t used them” he points at the three lizards. “before, so it might not be as worse as I’m imagining it.”

“What are you imagining?”

“That there’ll be next to nothing left of him but he’ll still be alive.”

“Awesome.”

Murphy just wiggles his eyebrows and points at the bottom. “Sign there please, I expect half of the money beforehand and the other half after I’m done.”

“Okay,” Bellamy says and signs on the document. There’s an email address and Bellamy pulls up PayPal on his own phone to send him the money.

Murphy takes the tablet back and waits until he apparently gets the email confirmation. “I’ll get back to you with proof in the next two weeks and then you can pay me the rest.”

Bellamy gets up and then looks at the lizards.

“So do you work a lot with animals like that?” he asks when Murphy walks barefoot through the minefield that is his house.

“Sometimes. They’re really smart and resourceful, good for hexes.”

Bellamy nods. It’s a shame that he’s doing that weird thing to his face, Bellamy would probably be inclined to ask him out otherwise.

“So you how long have you been working on the transformation?”

Murphy turns around and raises his eyebrows. “What?”

“With your face, transformation spell?” He waves his hand in front of the cuts and Murphy’s face becomes red.

“That’s my face, asshole!” he snarls and Bellamy freezes. Oh shit, oh fucking shit. “I get acne when I’m stressed, fuck you, seriously.”

“Okay…” he swallows. This is it, he’ll end up like Raven, disabled for life.

And then the door flies open and Bellamy feels himself being lifted in the air. He bumps against the door and then directly into a plant that immediately starts trying to eat.

By the time he’s crawled out of there his clothes are ruined, there’s something dropping from his hair and the door is closed.

 

He’s angry at himself for saying stupid things like that later that day, because now he’s spend two hundred thousand dollars on this and Murphy probably won’t do the job. He’s thinking about how he can get a refund at PayPal in the shower, while simultaneously trying to jerk off when nothing happens.

Not in the shower, not in the bed. Bellamy even pulls up some werewolf porn that he would never own up to owing but nothing.

 

**Bellamy Blake**

Why did Murphy hex your leg?

**Raven Reyes**

Asked him if he was trying one of these new transformation spells.

How should I know that he has problems with acne. Fucking asshole.

**Bellamy Blake**

Fuck.

**Raven Reyes**

Knew it. What did he curse?

Bellamy?

Come on.

Bellamy everyone wants to know.

I got Clarke on the line she wants to know too.

He totally hexed your dick didn’t he?

**Bellamy Blake**

If you tell anyone…

 

But of course Raven tells everyone and by Monday everyone at the station gives him sad pats on the shoulder.

Monday is also the day Cage doesn’t come in to work and Bellamy enjoys some beautiful quiet hours where he can actually do something else than run stupid errands that a rookie could do.

It’s about 3pm when he gets a picture of … he can’t quite tell what it is. It’s bloody and pink and there’s brown hair there and holy shit. There’s a lizard sitting on something that might be the shoulder, nibbling at his ear. He sends it to Octavia with the caption: _Apparently the deal still stands. This is beautiful._

 

**Unknown number**

You owe me 200k.

**Bellamy Blake**

Done.

And I’m really sorry that I made these assumptions.

**Murphy**

Got the money.

Fuck off Blake, I’m not fixing your dick.

**Bellamy Blake**

Not even if I tell you that I was really sad about not being able to date you because you were one of these weird transformation people?

**Murphy**

Since it’s still my face: no.

**Bellamy Blake**

Someone told me once that I look like a monkey.

**Murphy**

Sounds kinda racist.

**Bellamy Blake**

Probably

You know even if you look kind of like a lizard… your face totally got character :)

**Murphy**

Still not good enough.

**Bellamy Blake**

You could tell me what to say over dinner?

**Murphy**

How about this instead.

 

And then he feels himself harden.

“What the fuck,” he humbles and gets up immediately to lock himself in the bathroom.

He is harder than ever before in his life, his cock an angry red, his balls tight and he calls the number.

“Don’t you have anything better to do with your life than curse me?” he yells before Murphy can say anything else and he knows that it’s not smart because Murphy has control over his dick.

“I’m in line at the post office, I’m bored,” is Murphy’s simple answer and he can practically see the grin on his face.

“You need to make it stop.”

“How about I do this instead.”

And Bellamy comes. Untouched, in his pants. It’s probably the most painful orgasm he’s ever had and also the best and he would really like to hit Murphy but his erection doesn’t goes down and stays hard.

Murphy listens to him pant into the phone for a moment.

“I’ll be honest that sounded a lot less awkward in my head.”

Bellamy just groans because he can’t really do anything else. As soon as he has caught his breath again, he asks: “So do you want to go out with me?”

“I told you that I’m not fixing your dick if you take me on a pity date.” Bellamy wants to object but Murphy is already talking again. “Not that I need a pity date because I’m fucking beautiful.”

“You just gave me the most amazing orgasm in my life. It’s not a pity date.”

Murphy is silent for a second. “Oh fuck you, pick me up at 7.”

And then he hangs up. And Bellamy’s dick stays hard. The little asshole.

 

**Murphy**

Have fun with that until later. 

**Bellamy Blake**

Fuck you.

**Murphy**

If you wanna.

 

He groans and hits his head against the stall door. That fucking asshole.

 

**Bellamy Blake**

I’m taking Murphy out on a date???

**Raven Reyes**

Tell me if he’s got a weird lizard tongue, I always wanted to know.

**Author's Note:**

> Pissed off werewolf-cop!Bellamy and asshole warlock!Murphy is an au that I'm definitely going to write at some point and I had to use it for this one because it just fits so perfectly.  
> As always follow me on [ tumblr](http://www.everknowing.tumblr.com) if you want. ;)


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